Dr. Phibes' Resurrection Central

Movies We Wish Didn't Exist

2012-02-01T13:57:00.004-06:00

Or: what is this European obsession with Nazis? Yes this "film" is from 1977, but still.

You can watch a scene by following this link. Stupidity at its stupidest. You have been forewarned.

Plastic Breasts????

2012-01-29T23:29:00.001-06:00

They almost appear so. Shame on that lighting "expert".
Unless they really are plastic.

Kitty Porn

2012-01-29T23:26:00.000-06:00

Don't Mess with Japanese Nuns

2012-01-28T23:23:00.002-06:00

Pope Benedict has new bodyguards, and they have itchy trigger fingers.

But they sometimes enjoy a little downtime

New Japanese Superhero: Unko-man

2012-01-23T21:50:00.001-06:00

Mild-mannered excretion by day, invincible turd at night. See it here first! Your kids will be demanding all the associated goods and accessories by next Christmas!

Oh, and if you happen to see any Japanese people, go up to them and shout. "Unko-man, subarashii! Watashi mo unko daisuki!"

Repeat this nightly in front of the mirror in preparation for that special day when you make an indelible impression on some unsuspecting tourists.

Newt Gingrich Impersonates the Pope

2012-01-23T21:41:00.002-06:00

Or Ming the Magnificent. Or ...

2012 Off to a Great Start

2012-01-22T16:22:00.001-06:00

Two posts in less than twenty-four hours. What could this mean? Could those Mayans have been right?

Is this a sign from God?

From Satan?

From the ghost of Karl Marx?

From JICA (the Japan International Cooperation Agency)

Pope Benedict Announces Vatican-approved Reading List for 2012

2012-01-22T00:31:00.001-06:00

Here it is, all you good Catholics, the list you've been waiting for. The following books are recommended by His Holiness Himself. Selected from Benedict's private library, these novels offer shining examples of behavior to young and old.

Rosie O'Donnell Celebrates New Show for Oprah

2011-09-22T01:26:00.001-05:00

The first show called: You Don't Want to Think Where this Whipped Cream Has Been. Or Where it's Going.

No Time for Posts: So Tell the Time Instead

2011-08-16T22:18:00.003-05:00

Can't We All Just Get Along?

2010-12-30T23:49:00.001-06:00

Really, ladies!

Looking Forward to the New Year

2010-12-30T00:11:00.003-06:00

Or something

Close, But No Cigar

2010-12-27T23:12:00.000-06:00

Hugh Hefner to Wed: 60-year Age Difference

2010-12-26T10:40:00.006-06:00

Hugh Hefner (84) is to wed his 24-year old girlfriend Crystal Harris. This joyous news, which will quicken the hearts of young lovers everywhere, emerged over the Christmas holiday.

His taste is consistent.

Though one wonders how he tells these girls apart. Is he sure he proposed to the right one?

Anyway, bully for you Mr. H.

While Visions of Sugar Plums Danced in Their Heads...

2010-12-24T22:56:00.005-06:00

In their heads.

Merry Christmas.

Long lost Hymn Unearthed in time for the Holidays

2010-12-23T22:56:00.003-06:00

Fart in the face of Jesus
Fart in the face of the Lord
Fart in the face of Jesus
Will this sermon never end, I’m so bored.
Tum te tum (repeat ad nauseum)

Discovered by the above group of anime nuns.

Will miracles never cease?

No, because they never began!

Buh doom doom!

Santa Orgy

2010-12-23T11:37:00.004-06:00

Japan's annual Santa Cosplay Orgy was held this week at the Union Hotel in Tokyo. Here participants raise their spirits before plunging into the closed-door festivities.

Sorry no pictures of that folks.

This woman told us to mind our own business.

But we were given the following artists' renditions.

Headlines for the Season:

2010-12-22T21:34:00.007-06:00

These just in:

Milwaukee man kills woman for answering her phone while they were having sex

Garron Lewis went to another man's house Nov. 27 and was crying when he told him he had killed Dorsey. When the man asked why, Lewis said that he killed her because she answered her phone during sex.

Priest Arrested for Exposing Himself to Undercover Cop

A prominent and trusted Catholic priest has been given a leave of absence from his church duties after being arrested for public lewdness. During an area wide undercover sting, Father Alberto Maullon was busted for masturbating in a public place.
Houston police say Maullon entered an adult book and video store off the Gulf Freeway. Officers say he gestured towards an undercover cop while he entered a private viewing booth. When the officer entered the booth, police say Maullon exposed himself and began masturbating.

Orthopedist Accused Of Screwing In Device Without Anesthesia

A man is suing a orthopedist claiming anesthesia was not used when his head device was tightened with screws.
Kleiner’s device came loose Sept. 21 and a Ballert representative screwed four screws into his head at his home without anesthesia or pain control medications, which caused Kleiner extreme pain, suffering and anguish, according to the suit.

Untraditional But Still Great Christmas Songs

2010-12-19T11:06:00.001-06:00

And of course

Less Traditional Christmas Song

2010-12-19T11:01:00.001-06:00

Christmas Song That Started it All

2010-12-19T10:52:00.002-06:00

Yes, our first post contained this.

Gary Spivey: Complete Lunatic

2010-12-19T10:42:00.004-06:00

But not as mad as a society that allows ridiculous charlatans like this to thrive. A pudgy man in a white afro supposedly communicating with the great beyond?

See his website here if you dare?

I’ll give Mr. Spivey credit: I haven’t got a religious bone in my body, and I still managed to find his site blasphemous!

Way to go, Gary.

For example, his book, Your Keys To Heaven - Secrets From God
“Plus the Real Secrets hidden from you that religions don't want you to know about!”
That’s right, Gary claims things even normal religions would be ashamed to pretend are true!

Living the American dream!

Alfa Romeo Returns!!!

2010-12-18T22:28:00.003-06:00

Alfa Romeo--Fiat's luxury marque--will return to the US now that its parent company owns Chrysler.

Above, Alfa's top-of-the line 159 model is shown demonstrating its unique, burst-into-spontaneous-flames function, that Japanese or German makes have yet to imitate

Yes, But Snow Stinks Anyway

2010-12-18T13:57:00.000-06:00

Santas Elves are Japanese

2010-12-17T22:00:00.003-06:00

And Santa's so tired after dealing with this lot, he may not make it down any chimneys this year.

Tis the Season to Eat...

2010-12-17T13:55:00.002-06:00

No, I don't stoop to that sort of joke.

Well, not in print (as it were).

Oprah's Christmas Book Selection

2010-12-16T23:28:00.004-06:00

Take your pick from her picks! There's a title to delight everyone on your list.

The Pope is a Turd

2010-12-16T23:13:00.004-06:00

Pope Fuckhead XVI has just called Christians the most oppressed minority on earth.

Well, the biggest oppression most Catholics face is the stinking pile of rat vomit that is known as Mother Church. The west is only now creeping out from under 1700 years of stupidity and misery. And we don't intend to be knocked back into dark ignorance by a bunch of constipated old ninnies in dresses.

The Only Good Thing About Catholicism

2010-12-16T21:24:00.001-06:00

Dashing Through the...

2010-12-15T16:25:00.001-06:00

Then again, why dash?

Christmas approacheth

2010-12-13T23:09:00.003-06:00

A Little Gratuitous Skin

2010-12-12T22:26:00.008-06:00

After two serious posts on the Catholic Church we all need something to clear the air, as it were.

Pope and Bin Laden Send Christmas Message of Peace

2010-12-11T23:32:00.004-06:00

The above Christmas card is being sent to all world leaders in a plea by two of the world's most respected religious figures for everyone just to get along.

Doesn't if fill you with hope?

After all, as Benedict and Osama say: underneath we're just two normal guys, you know. Both believing in the Big G.

Fuck the Vatican: Foul Papist Intrigue of the Week

2010-12-11T18:28:00.006-06:00

Hardly news that the most corrupt, backward-looking organization in the Western World—the Catholic Church for those who haven’t guessed yet—considers itself above the law and indeed superior to all the works of Man, but documents released in the Wikileaks scandal reveal an even more depraved attitude than had hitherto been made clear.

This deserves quoting at length:

“One leaked document published Saturday, authored in February 2010 by Rome-based diplomat Julieta Valls Noyes, cited her conversations with Irish Ambassador Noel Fahey and his deputy, Helena Keleher, about the diplomatic bind Ireland found itself in.

“Ireland wanted to be seen as fully supportive of the independent probe into child-abuse cover-ups in the Dublin Archdiocese, but its Rome officials also didn't want to intervene in the probe's efforts to get information from the Vatican, Noyes' report said.

“Noyes reported that Irish diplomats in Rome decided not to press Vatican officials to respond to questions from the panel, which was led by an Irish judge and operated independently of Ireland's government. It sent letters to the Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and the Vatican's ambassador to Ireland seeking information on Vatican officials' knowledge of cover-ups, but got no replies.

“Noyes, citing a conversation with a Holy See official, wrote that the investigators' letters "offended many in the Vatican" because they were viewed as "an affront to Vatican sovereignty."

The affronts of course are to the sovereignty and common sense of modern secular states.

The Vatican wants it both ways; leave us alone because we’re a religion. Oh, and leave us alone because the representatives of our secular state should enjoy diplomatic immunity.

If the latter is their attitude, then everyone who works for the Church--especially priests and bishops--should be forced to register as an agent of a foreign power. And all lobbying on behalf of medieval values should be subject to the same restrictions and the same openness under freedom of information as in the case of other secular states.

And the US reaction to this particular leak?

“The U.S. ambassador to the Holy See also condemned the leaks and said the Vatican and America cooperate in promoting universal values.”

The values promoted by the Catholic Church are far from universal. I as a human being resent that, and I’m sure any readers from other galaxies resent it too.

World Pole Dancing Championships

2010-12-10T21:43:00.008-06:00

Not a joke.
They really are happening in Tokyo as I type this. Well, they may have happened yesterday. Representatives of many nations gyrated and ... well you get the picture to win glory for their people!

Japan

Italy

USA!!!

Australia

The Phillipines

Next month look for the world Lap Dancing Championships at The Naughty Bee Gentleman’s Club in Boca Raton Florida. Word is that both sports will enter Olympic competition by the 2016 Las Vegas Olympics. Or at least will become mandatory gifts to IOC commissioners considering a city’s bid.

Footnote: I was joking about the Olympics, but it seems it's true! (Well for pole dancing, not lap dancing)
Perhaps they'll do it as a combined sport (like running, swimming and shooting at moving peasants, or however that works) Something like this:

Year-end Whale Meat Bazaar in Tokyo

2010-12-09T23:34:00.000-06:00

At this time of year, Japanese families prepare to sit around blubber candles eating Whale bacon and Whale kebabs while visions of blowholes dance in the heads of the little ones.

Here at the Dobutsuhogozamamiro Hogeibanzai Market in Shinjuku housewives survey a prime catch.

Still Pretentious After All These Years

2010-12-08T22:01:00.003-06:00

Who can forget where they were when John Lennon was shot?

More to the point, who can forget , a couple of years later, reading a review of the then new technology (drum roll) the CD, which stated that Lennon’s last album ‘Double Fantasy’ was so much better using the little disks: not because of improved sound or lack of hiss, but because one could program it to skip all the Yoko Ono songs.

Here Ms. Ono is seen as a Red Army officer as conceived by Michael Jackson having the nightmare of a lifetime.

Long may you pontificate on world affairs, ma’am.
Just don’t expect anyone to listen.

Space Battleship Yamato

2010-12-08T18:52:00.003-06:00

The Battleship Yamato, in its intergalactic spaceship version, has returned to Japanese screens just in time for Pearl Harbor Day.
In its first weekend, the indefatigable pride of the Imperial Japanese Navy managed to defeat those perfidious English—in the form of Harry Potter and the Entrails of Doom (or whatever the latest one is called)-recalling the glorious conquests of Singapore and Hong Kong.

Based on an animated TV series from 1974, which was released in the US as “Star Blazers” (I suppose as the Second World War was only a little over 30 years in the past at the time “Space Ship Yamato” wouldn’t have gone over too well in America?), here’s another chance to see Japanese patriotism projected into the stars.

I wonder what people would say if the Germans had their version of Star Trek populated with “Spaceship Bismark” or similar things.

Anyway, good luck with the world conquest—cinematic this time.

Great Recession Recipe of the Day

2010-12-07T00:56:00.002-06:00

Save money--there's always a dog barking in the neighborhood somewhere. Save everyone a headache and fill your stomach at the same time.

Mum's the word to PETA, eh?

Natural Beauty vs. Unnatural... Something

2010-12-04T14:08:00.005-06:00

The natural beauty of Mt. Fuji on a cold morning.

The unnatural whatever this is of a woman standing with the fridge door open.

This must mean something No idea what.

Hitler's Back in Business

2010-12-03T23:04:00.003-06:00

After his stunning success at the Wynn Las Vegas, the big man isn't sitting on his laurels

Launching into the construction business and in this business climate!

The Horror, The Horror!

2010-12-03T22:19:00.004-06:00

Why would anyone do this to itself? Or to anyone else.

Surely it must take an immense amount of effort to inflate oneself to this degree.

Sure proof that Satan does exist.

Prisoners to Make Own Toilet Paper

2010-12-02T22:07:00.001-06:00

In a move that makes the heart leap for joy at the thought of the sincerity of the desire to save money, Iowa is to force Prisoners to make their own toilet paper.

Jerry Attrick, director of the Iowa Prison service, tells the BBC that while the homemade loo rolls lack something in the comfort division—having a level of softness comparable to high grade sandpaper or rusty steel wool—the sanitary effects meet hygiene standards set by the state for the regulation of pig farms. “And good Lord. I mean we eat the stuff that comes out of hog farms. Ain’t nobody in his right mind gonna eat what comes outta the latrines in our prisons.”

Logical and frugal. There’s hope for America yet!

More Miscegenation

2010-12-02T00:29:00.003-06:00

This time Japanese and Canadian.

"Canadian isn't a race."

No, and this isn't a contest to see who can be the most persnickety. In Japan she is referred to as half-Canadian / half-Japanese. So there.

Sing Along With Adolf

2010-12-01T15:32:00.001-06:00

To kick off December, here's that great 30's crooner AH himself from one of his 1960s revival shows in Vegas.

Get the album from Amazon!

The State of the Japanese Nation

2010-11-29T11:32:00.002-06:00

"If reality tires you out, come play with us."

This may explain a great deal.

Bold New US Policy Inspires Hope

2010-11-28T15:16:00.003-06:00

Announced here by Vice President Biden.

The Vatican has refused to comment on rumors that the Pope has demanded concessions in return for a promise of intercession on behalf of the US Economy.

However, it has welcomed the creation of the Federal Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and the appointment of Cardinal Francis George as Grand Inquisitor.

No one expects the Chicago Inquisition!

Happy Day After Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T00:23:00.004-06:00

Ah, yes. September 2009—a date which will live in infamy—the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by scantily clad women of the Empire of Japan.

Or am I getting a little confused here?

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T00:54:00.001-06:00

Or is she a witch rather than a pilgrim?

Happy Thanksgiving, Kim Jong Il

2010-11-24T21:16:00.005-06:00

The babes are better looking south of the DMZ too.
Yes, some of that is plastic surgery. But capitalism allows them to afford it!

BLOODY CRAZY!!!!!!

2010-11-23T10:32:00.004-06:00

In what other part of the world could a country sink its neighbour's ships and know it can get away with it?

In what other part of the world could a country think it can bombard a neighbour's territory and think it can get away with it?

Usually such acts would be the opening of a war? But on the Korean peninsula, where there has been a cease fire for the past 57 years, the North can do anything it pleases secure in the knowledge that neither the South nor its allies would want to start a shooting war involving civilian deaths...

And then the North attacks South Korean civilians for the first time... (actually the North kidnapped large numbers of S. Korean civilians but that's another story)

Japanese experts believe that this is a sign of how bad things have become north of the DMZ. Kim Jong Il is probably sicker than reported, the economy is even worse than generally supposed (and that would take some doing) and the successor is not even remotely ready to take over. This is all an effort to gain direct talks with the US, the only power that counts.

We'll have to see. But this does not smell good.

Isaac Newton After the Operation

2010-11-21T22:02:00.002-06:00

Vatican-approved Porn

2010-11-20T22:53:00.004-06:00

Hot on the heels of their decision to enter the 20th century by allowing condoms in certain limited circumstance, senior Churchmen have decided that a carefully selected group of pornographic images will be sold to the Faithful.

Order yours now!

Proceeds to go to a fund to pay for an unspecified series of mistakes made by priests.

Stop this Mindless Filth

2010-11-20T14:30:00.006-06:00

The Center for Universal Niceness Today (or CUNT) has put out an appeal calling for an end to the ceaseless flow of mindless filth.

We here at Resurrection Central couldn't agree more!

So with the generous cooperation of Japan's Ministry of Tourism, here is some mindful filth for the discerning consumer

Vatican Guidelines on Child Abuse

2010-11-19T21:46:00.003-06:00

Pope Benedict has ordered the Vatican to issue Guidelines on Child Abuse.

A fully illustrated book of instructions on how to abuse children is to be sent to all parishes around the globe.

Supplementary video, in plain brown wrapping, available from Mnsgr. Ignatius Buggerford, Office for the Promulgation of Pedophilia, Vatican City O2134

Failed Attempt to Redesign the Female Human Body

2010-11-17T22:33:00.004-06:00

Japanese scientists have failed in one of the most controversial applications of genetic engineering to human subjects.

In attempting to produce females who were more in line with the desires of certain men, they have produced a woman who couldn't walk and whose body would collapse on itself.

Military experiments of a similar nature also failed.

Chrysler Unveils Car to Save Company!

2010-11-13T18:17:00.004-06:00

Its proud Italian heritage shows through the bodywork that chief designer Luigi Himmler describes as "appropriate to the new lowered expectations of America's middle class."

Should sell millions!

Stupid Beliefs

2010-11-12T22:58:00.005-06:00

It seems that while children were out grabbing all the candy they could get on Halloween, "Druids, witches and other Pagans were celebrating the festival of Samhain"

Apparently "for Pagans it is a time to summon spirits, drink sacred mead and remember the dead."

Gosh.

As if real religions weren't stupid enough, now a bunch of pretentious loonies have to dig up their Gandalf costumes and lark about pretending they're communing with nature.

Time to put away childish things, chaps. At least Trekkies SEEM to know their passion is a bit of a joke.

They may have other things going for them too

To Take Away the Nasty Thoughts...

2010-11-11T22:59:00.007-06:00

of yesterday's disgusting story.

Rosie O’Donnell’s First Full Frontal Nude!

2010-11-10T22:39:00.002-06:00

The popular (with whom, one would like to know) erstwhile talk-show host has announced intentions to publish a daring all-nude album of the current state of her body.

The Pope, the Secretary General of the United Nations, Human Rights Watch and People for the Ethical Treatment of the Human Visual Organs have all written to plead for the said album to be destroyed before any copies fall into the hands of an unsuspecting public. But all in vain.

Below is an artist’s rendition of what the best of the pictures might look like if 98% of the ugliness were airbrushed away.

Transgendered Santa

2010-11-10T22:18:00.001-06:00

Santa held a press conference in Tokyo this week to discuss his, I mean her sex change and radical rejuvenation program.

Put Those Clocks On!

2010-11-06T22:07:00.004-05:00

When you've got class, flaunt it.

Quantitative Easing: Unintended Side Effects #1

2010-11-06T11:49:00.004-05:00

The Fed is pumping $600 billion more into the economy to help us all get back on our feet.

Thanks!

However, all that excess money flowing into a market already awash in the stuff has to go somewhere. And one of the places it appears to be flowing is into commodities.

Yes, those traders with their pockets full of cash are back to running up the price of oil and other necessities, just as they did in the glory days before the crash. With the slight difference that the average American consumer has less money in his pocket and is more likely to be out of work altogether, underemployed or in fear of getting the chop.

So $87 a barrel is going to hurt more this time round. And don't be surprised if it goes higher.

All thanks to QE: qualitative easing among our leaders.

Buttock Futures Rise in Tokyo

2010-11-05T21:43:00.003-05:00

Levels not seen since the early 90s.

Nomura is assuring its clients that now is the time to buy!

"Jobs Crisis Eases"!!!!

2010-11-05T21:29:00.004-05:00

According to AP, so it must be true, the jobs crisis is easing.

"The economy added 151,000 jobs last month -- the best showing since April, but only about half what it would take to put a noticeable dent in unemployment."

Actually,200,000 a month is needed just to keep up with population growth. That's right, this joyous figure is 49,000 short of TREADING WATER!!!

And the significant effect that that magical "300,000" a month would have on unemployment? A drop of 1% if they kept it up for a full year! They would need five consistent years of this to get below 5%. Who believes that's going to happen?

Another AP headline from the same day:

"Stocks post meager gains despite strong jobs news"

Perhaps those investing in the stock market have more sense than those writing economics stories for AP?

Dow Hits 25-Month High!

2010-11-03T20:07:00.006-05:00

'Cause they're giving away greenbacks free to anyone who can breathe!

Little thinking that you can create a bubble that looks like a bottomless pit.

A bubble only means a situation in which commodities are radically overvalued in relation to the actual market price.

Yes, worse-than-anything-in-living-memory could still be overvalued. In fact, I guarantee it.

Satan Saves...

2010-11-02T21:44:00.003-05:00

...at his credit union. But he banks with...

Are you sitting comfortably?

2010-11-01T22:13:00.002-05:00

Top Selling Halloween Costume in New York

2010-10-30T12:41:00.001-05:00

Eliot Spitzer not included.

Tokyo Tests New Police Uniforms for Women

2010-10-29T22:03:00.003-05:00

And in the summer version

International Day of the Fart!

2010-10-28T21:44:00.005-05:00

Today, Oct. 29th, is the UN's official international day of flatulence: 24 hours when people of all races, faiths and other differences come together for just one purpose: to let rip.

Keep the faith everyone and go get 'em! Vive le jour de la flatulence!
Oui, nous pouvons!

Curious George Arrested on Stalking Charges

2010-10-28T10:04:00.002-05:00

This straight-to-DVD feature, available only in Asia, features the irrepressible monkey checking out the animated babes in ways that are a little too insistent for comfort, or for local laws against indecent behavior.

Most of the adult references will go right over kids' heads, so parents can buy this one without too many worries.

Well, most

New Hollywood Superheroine Tackles Pedophile Priests

2010-10-27T23:30:00.005-05:00

"Brenda Bazongas" is the latest action hero to make the transition from comic book to the big screen.

This magnum-packing sharpshooter has made it her life's work to hunt down pedophile priests and blow off their means of perpetuating their awful crimes.

The Hollywood Reporter is predicting a first weekend take exceeding that of Batman and Robin in Morocco.

And her signatue exit line is sure to become a hit at holiday parties this season:

"I love the smell of roast priest in the morning."

Excommunicate those Politicians: Only in Poland?

2010-10-24T20:55:00.002-05:00

The Catholic church in Poland is biting the scenery rattling the off-stage thunder noises and generally kicking up a stink, because the government is considering making in vitro fertilization available to the Polish people, decades after it became available to the rest of the civilized world.

Archbishop Henryk Hoser, said in an interview MPs who supported IVF would "find themselves automatically outside the community of the Church".

"A child must be conceived in a natural way," he said. “There are only two natural forms of sexual release: a man into his wife or a priest into the plump buttocks of an underage boy. Thus hath the Pope spoken.”

It appears that most Poles, while considering themselves Catholic, nevertheless approve of IVF for married couples, so the government will ignore this obvious attempt at blackmail by the usual pusillanimous suspects.

You’d think the Church couldn’t be any more ashamed of itself than it has been over the child-rape scandals. Maybe I should rephrase that?

What are You Looking At?

2010-10-24T20:26:00.002-05:00

A Few Thoughts for the Sabbath

2010-10-23T22:42:00.005-05:00

After all you may as well have something to tell Father McGooly in confession

Vatican Book Club Selection

2010-10-22T08:14:00.006-05:00

Taking up where Oprah left off,Pope Benedict has launched the Vatican Book Club with his own personal selection: Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition. A book the Pontiff assures us will provided hours of pleasure for those interested in the twin pillars of his worldview: tradition and buggery.

I'm afraid Benny will have to count us out on this one. Our vision of the ideal pirate life is somewhat different.

No More Green til Spring?

2010-10-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

Jimmy Carter: Consistent as Ever

2010-10-19T22:15:00.010-05:00

Jimmy Carter, the worst leader ever elected anywhere, continued to display his utter contempt for anyone but himself the other week by letting those fools in the West (read, just about everybody who was paying any attention) know that their speculation on the probable choice of Kim Jong Un as successor to Kim Jong Il was just that--so much hot air blasted by Western opinion leaders. Thus spake Jimmah's sources in China--once again demonstrating that the world would be so much better off if it would allow President C. to use his intimate connections with those in the know to run everything.

Or not.

Not two weeks after Jimmah's pronouncement, the North Korean leadership confirmed that Kim Jong Un would indeed be the successor to his father, the "Dear Sadist".

In fact, so eager are they to prove his legitimacy to the North Korean people, that they've given the poor youngster (27) plastic surgery to make him look more like his hideous grandfather, Kim Il Sung, "the Leader so Whizzo we Dare Not Speak His Name" (Hey, ain't dat what dey call Voldemort? Shuddup!)

Passably handsome early-21st century youth, Kim Jong Un

Hideously faked mid-20th century male, Kim Jong Un

Grandad the Hut

Well at least Goober Boy's batting 1000!

The Franklin Mint Hitler Collection

2010-10-18T23:59:00.001-05:00

Just in time for the holidays!

Pope Creates First Australian Saint !

2010-10-17T19:11:00.002-05:00

The Pope has created the first Australian saint and the first person to achieve sainthood while still alive.

St. Olivia Newton John, to be made patron saint of Lycra, sweatbands and annoying but unforgettable music, will receive the honor in a private audience with his Holiness at the Disco Michelangelo in Vatican City next week.

Congratulations! Another proud moment for the antipodes.

Worthy Cause of the Day: the Alliance of Sodomy Supporters

2010-10-16T13:23:00.005-05:00

We have received an appeal direct from Vatican City to tell our legions of readers about a little known cause that deserves their financial and moral support.

I speak of the Alliance of Sodomy Supporters, a registered charity of the first water.

In these troubled times may of us feel powerless. Click on the following link and give as generously as you can

I BELIEVE IN SODOMY

Yes, you can make a difference.

Autumn Thoughts

2010-10-14T23:13:00.001-05:00

For that first hint of cold, the first breath of deathly WINTER!

Go from Ugly to Nauseating with Dr. Phibes' Near-Death Makeover

2010-10-14T20:55:00.004-05:00

Before

After

And all it takes is six hours in my secret process that robs your body of its life essence. I then save the life essence to feed to the corpse of my dearly departed wife, who even in her current state looks nothing like the horrors above.

Pope's Autobiography to be Released!!!

2010-10-13T21:06:00.005-05:00

Vatican Books is predicting an international runaway bestseller for Pope Benedict’s much anticipated autobiography, Sodomy: a National Socialistic Appreciation, which he wrote under his given name: Wolfgang Amadeus Ratzinger.

Amazon reports that reservations are outstripping the record pace set by Harry Potter and the Hemorrhoids of Doom.

Japanese Army's New Anti-aircraft Detail

2010-10-12T19:31:00.003-05:00

Japan's Self-defense Forces unveiled a back-to-the-future approach to air defense this week with a volley from their late-16th-century ack-ack guns.

Watch out, Kim Jong Il!

Japanese News Update

2010-10-10T21:22:00.010-05:00

Any More Filth and I Shoot

2010-09-18T14:04:00.002-05:00

Come one, Come all

2010-09-18T00:11:00.003-05:00

Meaningless title of the day!

Subtle Hint to Catholic Church: More of this Boys!

2010-09-16T22:30:00.003-05:00

Papal Foot Makes Record 700th trip to Pontifical Mouth on Historic Trip to Britain!

2010-09-16T22:27:00.002-05:00

Pope Benny-Dick XXXVIII addressing hundreds of mewling supporters at Holyrodhouse in Edinburgh, spoke of "a Nazi tyranny that wished to eradicate God from society… As we reflect on the sobering lessons of atheist extremism of the 20th century, let us never forget how the exclusion of God, religion and virtue from public life leads ultimately to a truncated vision of man and of society and thus a reductive vision of a person and his destiny."

Nazism and atheism? Um, anyone remember fascist Spain: Franco and the Catholic Church (not your bog-standard Protestants mind, but the one Holy etc. etc. Catholic Church)?

This following Cardinal Walter Kasper’s remarks to a German magazine that the UK was in the grip of "a new and aggressive atheism…When you land at Heathrow you think at times you have landed in a Third World country.”

Both of these pinheads clearly live on another planet. The Third World is the only place where their brand of ignorance finds many takers these days.

Old Games Never Die

2010-09-15T01:27:00.000-05:00

They just get reused by photographers with dirty minds

Canada Declares War on Nazi Germany Day!

2010-09-10T22:35:00.001-05:00

71 years ago today!

Let us salute the bravery of that brave, noble, and frigid land in the only way appropriate!

East Asia Pulls out the Stops to Congratulate North Korea

2010-09-09T23:24:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday North Korea

2010-09-09T22:22:00.004-05:00

September 9 marks the glorious 62nd anniversary of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Hand out the flags, people!

On a Clear Day You Can See Forever

2010-09-07T23:24:00.000-05:00

The Force Travels to Pakistan?

2010-09-07T22:24:00.001-05:00

World President, I mean, Head of the UN’s Refugee agency—sorry, Saint…

Let’s try that again: thriller actress Angelina Jolie—self-appointed conscience of the planet—is seen here visiting flooded areas of Pakistan.

It appears she borrowed her Islamic garb from a fellow actor.

Pope Rejects Proposed Update to Nun Habits

2010-09-06T21:18:00.003-05:00

It was never going to fly. At least under Benedict
"Now, find something like this for choir boys and you've got yourself a deal," the Pontiff is said to have muttered before being sedated.

Osama Bin Laden, Homeless?

2010-09-05T21:16:00.002-05:00

The world's most wanted man found begging in downtown Austin, Texas!

Monster Baby to Crush US Rivals!

2010-09-05T21:11:00.002-05:00

China now challenging the US in the obesity stakes!

This 10-month-old weighs 20 kilos (44lbs!), the average for a six-year old. The child is said to be in good health.

Watch out you Western slackers: China will crush you in every field of endeavour!